There are times after a breakup when you come *this* close to texting your ex. Thanks to a genius new Google spreadsheet titled “things i wanna text my ex,” there’s now a place to redirect all those potentially embarrasing messages.
Created by 24-year-old Princeton grad Sean Drohan, the public doc gives the brokenhearted a chance to anonymously share anything left unsaid post-split. The would-be texts range from laugh-out-loud funny to genuinely sad. Some check both boxes ― “I loved your dog more than I ever loved you,” one reads.
In an interview with Refinery29, Drohan said he has firsthand experience with sending regrettable ex texts.
“There’s plenty I would like to say to my exes (and too much I’ve already said),” Drohan said. “People enjoy anonymous opportunities to cry into the ether.”
Below, some of the most interesting unsent texts from the spreadsheet:
1. “If you had spent less time cheating and more time canvassing, Hillary would have took Iowa.”
2. “I’m getting just as many gifts from you for Valentine’s this year as I did when we were dating.”
3. “I knew it was over when you told me your favorite movie was ‘Garden State.’”
4. “Thanks for introducing me to ‘Happy Endings’ ― glad you got back together with your husband.”
5. “After you broke up with me I went into your pantry, a sobbing mess, and took your Nutella lol.”
6. “I pretend I’m over you, but I spend all day staring at an open Gchat box waiting for it to say ‘typing…’”
7. “I’m better off without you and I wish I realized that five years sooner.”
8. “Your dick was great but your heart is not.”
9. “You made me feel like I was simultaneously too much and not enough and I hate you for it.”
10. “I wore your deodorant all the time. That’s why you were always running out.”
11. “I broke up with you because you refused to listen to ‘Hamilton’ with me and I know you just saw it with your entire family. Guess you didn’t care about it when I told you you’d like it, but you were OK to see it when you knew what a great Instagram it would make in front of the marquee.”
12. “Can you tell your mom that we’re not getting back together so she will stop texting me on holidays?”
13. “My biggest regret was ever kissing you. In that moment, I crossed the line that best friends could never cross.”
14. “Sometimes I log into your Netflix account just to see what you have been watching lately. And when I see you are rewatching our favourite show, I am contemplating whether you were watching it alone or introducing it to your new boyfriend. I miss watching shit with you so much.”
15. “Your dog deserves better.”
16. “Thanks for always blowing me off. I won’t tell everybody about your inverted nipples.”
17. “You’re still the first address that pops up on my Uber.”
18. “Thank you for ruining all my favorite music. I hope you think of me every time you look around your apartment at all the furniture I picked out and realize what you could’ve had and what you lost.”
19. “Thanks for telling me I had abandonment issues and then abandoning me, so helpful.”
20. “I’m so f*cking excited to get over you.”
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Source: HuffPost Black Voices