Tamar Braxton knows what it’s like to struggle with fertility issues. During an emotional episode of “Braxton Family Values,” the 40-year-old singer opened up about her miscarriage experience.
In a recent interview with Glamour, she expanded on her fertility journey and the challenges she’s faced.
Braxton and her husband, Vincent Herbert, have a 3-year-old son named Logan. Shortly before Braxton became pregnant with Logan, doctors told her she would likely have trouble conceiving, so she refers to her son as her “miracle baby.”
After Logan was born, Braxton didn’t think she wanted any more children. “I hated being pregnant!” she said. “I wanted an apple martini the whole time. I craved it. [Pregnancy] was hell. And then you fall in love with this kid ― this crazy miracle ― and all of the sudden want more. He has enriched my life so much.”
But the singer had trouble getting pregnant again. After undergoing IVF, she had initial success, but then miscarried. The loss was devastating.
“I didn’t know how I was going to get out of my bed for a couple weeks,” Braxton said. “But you just do, you know? The same choice you make to be courageous and go through this process is the same choice to get up and keep going. It was hard because I still had to work. But after the miscarriage, I wanted so badly for the other things in my life to work.”
Around the same time, Braxton’s career was in flux. She left her co-hosting gig on “The Real,” a planned tour was canceled and she withdrew from “Dancing with the Stars” due to health problems.
After these blows, Braxton decided to rededicate herself to goals like creating new music and getting in shape.
While these “wins” have helped her get through hard times, the singer told Glamour she doesn’t always feel so optimistic. Said Braxton:
But this is still a struggle. And sometimes when I’m alone, I feel less than a woman. Like a failure. And it’s very sensitive and it’s very hard to talk about and you don’t want to share it with a lot of people when you’re going through it. Vince and I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I didn’t even tell my mom because you feel like if you tell somebody it’s bad luck. I just wish people would be more sensitive and maybe ask, ‘How can I help you? Is there anything I can do?’
But when someone hasn’t gone through it, they don’t understand the level of the loss. You don’t want to hear, ‘Oh, it will all work out. Don’t worry.’ Like, ‘How do you know?’ People that say, ‘Oh, you can always adopt,’ drives me crazy. I think adoption is great, but I want to have my own baby. I have these embryos in the freezer, and I want to be able to see what they look like. Are they anything like Logan? I put myself through that situation because I want to see that outcome. I can’t lie and tell you at this point Vince and I have not talked about adoption or a surrogacy, but if I can have my own, of course [I want to].
Ultimately, Braxton has maintained a positive outlook and refuses to give up her dream of having more children. She encourages others to adopt this kind of attitude toward the challenges they face.
“Everybody in the world can give up on you, but you cannot give up on yourself.”
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Source: HuffPost Black Voices